| Disappear |
[27 Oct 2006|04:40am] |
With her face streaked with tears
She looks out the window
Wondering why she's still alive
She holds her breath
And hopes everything would disappear
With blood running down her arms
She sits and waits for her life to end
With nothing left to live for
She hopes it'll come faster
Her world starts to spin
And she becomes faint
She murmurs, "Sorry,"
And takes her last breath.
|
|
| Bitter Pill |
[27 Oct 2006|04:39am] |
The last bitter pills
glide down her throat.
Replaying the words,
"I hope you choke."
Shedding her tears
with a wish to die fast.
All because forever
didn't seem to last...
Words are bullets
There's a line of black water
coming from her eyes
Now he's won...
It's not a tie.
She always said she didn't care
and that she was strong
I guess now it's proven
that she was dead wrong.
He got the best of her
and didn't care.
They're right when they say
life's not fair.
|
|
| Beautiful Girl |
[27 Oct 2006|04:38am] |
Nobdy wants to dance with the beautiful girl.
Nobody really thinks she's beautiful.
She runs her tongue across her painted lips,
Touches her hair, and smiles from her safe place.
Nobody sees the thoughts of the beautiful girl,
Nobody knows the place where she's hiding.
Her dress slipsoff her shoulder,
She's dancing on the dance floor all alone.
Nobody likes the scars on the beautiful girl,
Nobody wants to see the pain that clearly.
She lets them show like patchwork,
Foreign patterns on her body.
They make such a startling contrast
With her sharp stiletto heels.
Nobody dares to get close to the beautiful girl.
|
|
| Suicide Note |
[27 Oct 2006|04:34am] |
People wouldn't undersatnd
No need for them to know
All about the selfish deed
I want to undergo.
Life is such a lie
I can't stand it anymore.
I want to end it here and now
Get rid of the demon and the whore.
Like a flower that is not strong
That is how I will wilt.
Who wants to see a face
Or great repulse and guilt?
As days pass
There's nothing I can do.
I just hurt others
Therefor my life is through.
I do not deserve
To live a life a cheer,
Nor do I desire
To live a life of fear.
I'm afraid to see
What life will bring next.
Everything's going wrong
It's all just too complex.
So I'll tie a knot
One that will hold
And hang by my throat
Think of this
As my suicide note.
|
|
| Loaded Gun |
[22 Mar 2006|10:59pm] |
Another brick in the wall for the fence of no escape
Not another high wire act for my acrobatics to take our breath away
Cryptic faded suicide notes, self induced drama for this death defying act
Although the razors and pills may no longer defy the grim reaper
Not another word, an answering machine of miscommunication only to hear their worried cries
Another musical note, another Shakespearean tragedy thrown to the suffocation
Of my magic tricks in the amazing noose
The disappearing act-the disappearing act of life
Nothing will be relinquished when the tears spill down my face
Kryptonite for Mr. and Miss. Depressed and the lines of their script
The vocals in their solos
The sketches in their comics
The smiles of the children in braids
And the smudged inked lines
Inherit the will of the short end of the straw
As they listen for that reverberating whisper of a gunshot and the cinders
Of their useless nonexistent lives
When I leave you to your glowing screens and your silent phones,
The next empty desk now engraved in my blood
Every last word for the last breath in a winter wonder-wonderland
At my doing my final Irish gig on the circulating coffin with the tears I shared
They will whisper 'We miss you' to the dirt,
remember the worrying night after night
Maybe you could’ve done something, picked up the phone and dialed 911
With my family’s portrait morose faces
And their guilt ridden souls and pathetic weeping ‘We miss you’
The taint of blood that is now on their hands
They miss me, but my blood is on their hands
Because they were too naive to call me out of my death defying tricks
Another brick in the wall for the fence of no escape
Another brick in the wall for another statistic for someone else who couldn’t say
I. Was. Wrong.
Nothing's okay, and nothing's alright,
but we were too afraid of all our dirty secrets
Of drugs, alcohol, self mutilation, rape, and suicide
Investigation and our silent duck taped mouths
I pulled the trigger, but they loaded my gun
And now they succumb one by one.
|
|
| Tomorrow Without Me |
[26 Apr 2005|09:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
I'm sorry that tomorrow will come without me,
I wish i could be to see the tears in your eyes that will be cried "for" me,
I wish I could tell you I was right, I was right when I said you didn't care,
You cry because you have no one left to torture and use.
Im not here for your humor, Im not here for your joy,
I shouldn't be here anyways,
You are better off without me just like everyone else,
If you say your not well you should believe you are.
Im not worth your tears, nor you worth mine,
Quit saying your sorry that i hurt, I know you're really not,
And you never will be.
You say you love me, i know that is a lie,
You say you would miss me if I were gone, That is a lie too.
I'm worth nothing to you.
My heart is broken and in pieces,
It isn't fixable so just let it be.
I can be happy knowing I am breaking yours,
I can't take this pain anymore,
Its not worth it, im not worth it, and you're definately not worth it.
Just let me be and let me die.
Today is the last day I die inside,
Today i die for real.
Today is the day I end your "love" for me, if that is what you would like to call it.
|
|
| Died For Love |
[26 Apr 2005|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
I sit in the park where I dwell,
For this boy I love so well.
He took my heart away from me,
Now he wants to set me free.
I see a girl on his lap,
He says things to her he never said to me.
I ran home to cry on my bed,
Not a word to mother was said.
Father came home late that night,
He looked at me from left to right.
He saw me hanging from a rope,
He took his knife to cut me down.
And on my dress a note was
found:
Dig my grave, Dig it deep.
Dig my grave, From head to feet.
And on the top place a dove.
And remember this, I died for love...
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2005|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
I put on this fake smile
Pretending life is fine
Walking through the streets
A frown you will not find
But when I go home
Everything will change
My life is a hellhole
And I'm the one to blame
I hear them screaming
Awful things in here
Echoing through these fiery walls
They trigger so much fear
I put on this fake act
For Everyone to see
I have a great life
A PERFECT family
A PERFECT little girl
With a PERFECT life
The PERFECT future
And the PERFECT knife
The PERFECT suicide note
Explaining to all
She wasn't PERFECT
Not PERFECT at all...
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2005|09:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
I should've done it when I had the chance
To end my life,
Just like that,
Just in one glance
I should've done it, but I didn't
Because I couldn't
Yes, I've thought about it
Something stopped me though
It must have been the thought of my life down the road
How it would feel if it wasn't so cold
Not having someone who really cares
And yes, I do know people care, but I don't feel it
They sit, while I throw myself in the black pit
Never wanting to see them again
I want to be alone
I want to be gone
I want to go
I can't take it anymore
I have to leave soon
And if I shall go to Hell for this sin
Please forgive me, because I put my life to an end
Even though I wished and wished
That one day something good would come my way
I've waited too long maybe today is the day
To end this life of mine
Because I'm not doing so good, I'm not doing fine....
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2005|09:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
I sit dying inside,
my soul becoming a worthless nothing.
I put a smile on and everyone else,
being to caught up in their own worlds,
doesn't realize the pain
I'm going through.
No one notices,
and no one cares
until they find the marks
scattered randomly across my body.
After a week of caring,
they began to tease
"Why do you do it? Your stupid."
After they grew tired of this torment,
it's now "You're only cutting... you don't really want to kill yourself."
Well as I sit with tears streaming down my cheeks
amongst my blood stained sheets,
I smile for the first time in months.
I think to myself, "well they all doubted me...
They said I wouldn't do it...
I guess they were wrong."
My time has come,
death is knocking,
and I'm running for the door.
|
|
| Emotionally Dead |
[19 Mar 2005|02:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
Why must I completely conceal
What I think and how I feel
How long can I keep this inside
It's eating away my strength and pride
Shredding me to worthless tears
Only hiding me from my fears
Every time I try to grasp for air
I am smothered in despair
Always told I'm doing wrong
Always told that I'm not strong
Every single step I take
Just leads me to
One more mistake
And yet I sit fully consumed
Mindlessly lamenting over my doom
Please take me out of this trance
And just give me one more chance
I'm losing trace of what is real
I'm caught up in the emotions that I feel
Every single cut and burn
Tells me that I must learn
How to keep moving on
Even when all hope is gone
|
|
| Secret Scars |
[19 Mar 2005|02:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
Her scars tell a story
The story of her life
Each one a different meaning
Each one a different strife
Each scar deep and ink
Will silently explain
Her struggle for an answer
Her struggle to stay sane
To her life has no meaning
It only brings her grief
To her death is sacred
That is her belief
The happiness surrounding her
Died off long ago
The pain that's inside her
She will never know
She'll smile to your face
And Cry behind your back
Fear is what she carries
And love is what she lacks
The truth behind her sad eyes
She will never tell
Outside she looks happy
Inside she hurts like hell
She cuts her wrists in fury
She cuts to help the pain
In the dark so no one knows
Her tears pour down like rain
Who is this girl
The one you'll never see
No one really special
Just the other side of me
|
|
| The Hidden Truth |
[19 Mar 2005|02:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
Spinning out of control
I can't steer
My reflection not full
In the mirror
Deep down it's hiding
Not wanting to rise
My soul abiding
Taking deep sighs
I look at the knife
I touch it's edge
It can take my life
Push me off this horrid ledge
The metal so shiny
I can see my reflection
Friends so whiny
All I feel is rejection
In my eyes
It has only one use
That one is abuse
I start out small
Then make them deeper
Blood smeared on the wall
I know it's a keeper
It won't seem to stop
It's a constant flow
A solemn, bloody drop
Leaving something to show
My clothing stained
A beautiful red
But I'm ashamed
I'm not yet dead
Lying on the floor
Everything so calm
I hear a door
And feel a palm
With time I'd die
But you came along
I couldn't even lie
You knew I was wrong
Finally you knew
Which story was real
And now to
You know how I feel
|
|
| Two-Faced Emotions |
[19 Mar 2005|01:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
She looks into the mirror everyday
And tries to put on
Her most convincing face
The one that will fool the world
Of the way she's really feeling
Inside she's screaming
Crying, hurting
And bleeding
But no one can see it
She's laughing and smiling
But no one cares to look into her eyes
And see the life she's really living
Or what it's like
She stays inside her mind
And wonders how perfect and happy
She could've been
If she was someone else
She puts on her smile
To cover up the wounds
In which she is bleeding
Trying to convince herself
That her life is one worth living
|
|
|
[19 Mar 2005|01:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
I'm alone and hallow
Eyes filled with tears
I'm sinking, disappearing
Into the years
I'm slowly fading
Decaying through
Comfortably numb and frozen
Nothing to do
I'm a bleeding rose
So soft and cold
I'm weeping inside the shadows
Where no one knows
I'm shattered to pieces
No place to go
I'm deafened by this dead silence
Please don't let it show
|
|
| Hidden Blade |
[19 Mar 2005|01:45pm] |
Unseen knife
Hidden blade
Doing these things
My friend forbade
Red slash
Crimson skin
Laying there praying
My life will end
Problemed sobs
Saddened tears
No one replies
Confirming my fears
Dejected weeping
Uncontrollable crying
My tears are worse now
As I lay there slowly dying
Screaming pleas
Yelling prayers
Not a single reply
Nobody cares
Resume to cutting
But still you pray
That I will stop
Hurting myself one day
|
|
|
[18 Mar 2005|11:02pm] |
Tonight I cried
I'm not sure why
The tears just fell
And I'm lost inside
I feel so broken
So lost and confused
I can't help but feel
Battered and bruised
I want to yell
I need to scream
And tell you all
I'm not quite what I seem
I can not sleep
But I'm never awake
Can't take much more
I'm going to break
I'm hurting for no reason at all
It might be too late
When somebody calls
I lay motionless
Not a thing on my mind
I've felt a lot of emotion
But never this kind
I'm not unhappy
But I'm really quite sad
The littlest things
Are making me mad
No one knows me
I don't know myself
Like a dusty cook
On a hundred foot shelf
I'm hypnotized
Can't seem to snap out
I can't do anything
But lay here and pout
I'm searching for the reasons
Why tears are falling out
|
|
| Mirror Girl |
[18 Mar 2005|10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
This girl in the mirror
She's killing me
It hurts to smile
It hurts to breathe
The girl in the mirror
Haunts me
She sees my weaknesses
And greets then painfully
The failure
The demon
The monster
The whore
Ashamed to breathe,
And she knows it
I see her face
She's laughing
She knows I'm broken inside
I feel her claws
She's ripping
At every seam I hide
So I'll kill myself
For the girl in the mirror
Because peace of mind is all that matters
I'll kill myself
For the girl in the mirror
In hopes that the glass might shatter
|
|
| Her Fault |
[18 Mar 2005|10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
I turned to face her
I saw the rage in her eyes
I knew I couldn't win
Or take back all the lies
I was sorry for what I'd done
I was sorry for all the pain
But I couldn't take back
The part when I slit my veins
She was never really a mom
She was never really there
So it was just wrong for her
To say that she did care
All she did was yell
All she did was hate
It's all her pain and anger
That led me to this awful fate
I called you the night it happened
I said I was about to die
So you said just hang on
And its okay to cry
So you rushed to my house
And saw the blood on the floor
You started to cry miserably
I said I wouldn't do it anymore
My life may not be perfect
At least I'm still alive
|
|
| Another Suicide |
[17 Mar 2005|06:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
Today is just another day
Where that bright blue sky faded to gray
So you lock yourself in your room
Turn the music up loud
So no one will be able to hear
Your screaming sound
Cut yourself so deep
That the blood will never stop
Keep on bleeding
Until you finally drop
In those last few moments
Where you can still breathe
Think about everyone in your life
And notice that this isn't a dream
You try to get up
But you life passes right by your eyes
Seeing you and your friends together just makes you want to cry
You killed yourself and now you can't say what you want to say
You can't turn back time and go back to yesterday
And now everyday
You think about what you did
Because all your suicidal feelings and scars
You hid
|
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